On being single (1)

Single

My father recently asked me when I was planning to get married. Since I’m still single, I guess I can share my thoughts on what it means to be single. I’m not in love with any girl but I believe that one day I’ll get married. Ok, but when I look around me I see many of my age who already have a partner and I wonder if I’m not being a bit too negligent for not seeking for a partner. There’s nothing bad to be single. My parents were single and you also have to be single to be eligible for marriage. If you’re single, you might also be wondering what the future reserves you.  Has it ever come to your mind that you might end up a spinster or bachelor?

I’m not a psychologist but I think that a person should at least love himself/herself before wanting someone to love him/her or love someone else. Do you love yourself? If you do not love yourself you will belittle yourself and consider that you’re not up to a standard that you’ve set up in your mind. Do not do that, this will act as a barrier. If you think you’re inferior, you’ll definitely make yourself inferior. If you’re at peace with your physical appearance and intellect and don’t care about how people judge you, then it’s good. Of course, if you have bad manners or lazy you’ve to make an effort to change. If you don’t like taking a bath or keep yourself clean then please pay attention to remarks you receive. If people mock you because you never kissed someone or had sex, you don’t have to feel bad. Be proud of you because you can control your sexuality.

I saw couples which had some particularity but were happy. A short husband and a giant wife. An intelligent rich lady marrying a poor chap. A man marrying a woman much older than him. A black woman marrying a white guy. Under all the prejudices, family pressure, mockeries and judgmental society these people married and are happy. It must have been a great love for these 2 to persevere under the pressure, is not it? There’s a saying which says that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. What you consider beautiful is subjective.

If you do not accept yourself for X reasons, you might that people won’t accept you for X reasons(when it’s not necessarily true). Someone who loves himself/herself understand that other people are not perfect because he/she knows his/her imperfections.

“Love your neighbor as you love yourself” Jesus said. Mat 19:19

I’m not an actor or ever thought that I’m the most handsome man on this earth(that would be ridiculous). I know my strengths and weaknesses. People will always judge you on your appearance and intelligence. I understand that we cannot put someone with an IQ below 50 at the head of a government(well, there’re some exceptions). I can also understand that it would be inappropriate to have as air hostess a beggar-faced person. For business reasons, there’re some choices made on appearance and intelligence.

Everyone has a kind of standard he/she expects his partner to have. In some cases, some matched the expectations. But I think that in most cases it does not work that way because we are all unique. If you’re making a list to find a perfect person, then you’re looking for Jesus. No one is perfect.

The world uses different scales to measure a man/woman. There’re exams and competitions for that. But do these things really determine what you’re worth? No. There’re no scales on this earth which can estimate what you’re worth. It’s not what you think about you or what people think. If you need a honest feedback on what you’re worth, then ask the one who created you. It’s all about God. What does God think of you? God looks at your heart and not on your physical appearance or intellect. Can you understand that? The greatest Being loves you as you are.

When God chose David instead of Eliab, He said to Samuel:  “Do not consider how handsome or tall he is. I have not chosen him. I do not look at the things people look at. Man looks at how someone appears on the outside. But I look at what is in the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

If you feel rejected by people and see God accepting you, then you definitely have lot of worth. If the greatest Being loves and accept you then it does not matter what people think of you. God hates the sin in you but love sinners, so why not repenting? I often hear that if someone has difficulty in relationships, it’s because of past family problems(which I think is somewhat true). But when someone experienced God’s love, he/she can love himself/herself and abundantly love other people. God can heal broken hearts and help those who have difficulties in relationships.

Ask God to change yourself to make you a better person. If you’re waiting for a partner, use this time to become a better partner. Let God transform and prepare you to be a better partner. Waiting for a partner is difficult if you see yourself wasting time. But if you let God use this time to prepare you, then waiting will not be that difficult. When you realise that, you will probably conclude that you need some more time and you’re perhaps not yet ready for marriage. There’re many cases of divorce out there because the partners were immature when they took the decision to get engage. Don’t put yourself under pressure for marriage, you might do a mistake. It’s always better to be single than marrying the wrong person. Waiting with God is better than learning the hard way. May God fill you with his love so that his love becomes overflowing through you for your future partner.

This song for you:

>>To be continued…