On being single (part 2)   Leave a comment

Biblical love

Biblical Christian love

Several months ago, I posted my thoughts on being single (here) . Throughout the world, people usually consider that God should be present in the union of a man and a woman . God has instituted marriage and there’re therefore good reasons to seek divine counsels before putting a foot in.

If you’re the rough kind of guy, you probably think you don’t need anyone. Perhaps you want to make people believe that you can handle it all but deep down your heart you’re perplexed because you’re not able to make your soul stop thirsting for love.  Yeah, we all need love and we cannot just escape it. We cannot quench human love by money or material things. Human love can only be quenched by human love. Sometimes, our pride want to suppress these feelings because we consider it weak for a man to be “emotional”. Girls do better than us in expressing their emotions and feelings. I’m a 24 single guy and in my thoughts I know what kind of girl I’m looking for. At times we tend to set up a list for Mr/Ms Perfect and end up frustrated because we no one is up to our standard.

How to know if we’re making the right choice?

It’s a question I have been asking myself. I’ll share my thoughts on it.

1. God’s will is that the bride and the groom coming to Him on the wedding day are actually his son and daughter.  In other words, both should be Christians before seeking God’s blessing (2 Cor 6:14).

2. See whether your potential partner will draw you closer to God. When I look around me, I wonder if I will find a girl who will be able to help me in the ministry God has entrusted me(Prov 31:10). I realised that the only thing that satisfies my soul is to share God’s Word. The technologies I use at work are really interesting and I know many people who would enjoy doing what I do. But I know perfectly well that I’m not satisfied by all this. More degrees, higher social status and money cannot satisfy my soul. I found out that simply sharing God’s Word fills up this crazy missing part. My purpose on this earth is to share God’s Word and I’ll not trade it for anything else(1 Cor 9:16). I’ll prefer to lose my job than to be deprived of sharing God’s Word. I’ll prefer to remain single than to have a wife who will hinder me from studying my bible and teach God’s Word(Prov 31:11,12). Do you know what is God’s purpose for you? Will a union with Mr/Ms X hinder or bring you closer to God? If you think that remaining single allows you to be closer to Jesus than marriage, bear in mind that you’ll find yourself unsatisfied if you choose to marry. God knows that I need someone to help me do this work He entrusted me.

3. The character of the person plays a very important role.  I’ll prefer to remain single than to marry the queen of beauty who has a bad character(Prov 7:5-27). In Christian terms, I seek for a partner who has the fruit of the Spirit and let herself transformed by God. The bride and the groom are imperfect individuals and they will discover little by little the odd characters of each other and might try to fix them. This is where they often mess up and get disputes. Leave this task to God the Creator. Let Him transform you first and pray for your potential partner. The fruit of the Spirit(Gal 5:22) in you is enough to make your partner crave for what you have inside. If your partner loves God, he/she will pray to become like Jesus(2 Cor 3:18) in order to become a better partner. Can you imagine how beautiful it is to have 2 partners seeking to become more like Jesus all the days of their life? This is the key to a successful marriage because God is leading both hearts in the same direction. Remember that it’s far better to be single than to marry the wrong person. If you’re currently in a relationship that does not please God, you need to decide today if you want to let God lead you or not.

4. Now I have to mention physical appearance. I do not consider it the main factor because it’s obvious that external beauty is temporary but internal beauty is gold(Prov 31:30). But we have been wired to attract and be attracted and there should at least some physical attraction between the potential partners.

5. Why do you want to get married? Is it because you have many problems at home and want to flee? What is motivating you to go for marriage? If your intention is to flee your problems, bear in mind that marriage might not necessarily be a place of refuge. You have perhaps messed up in your past and want to start anew. You’re right to think so and God will help you through. But please bear in mind that your future partner is not a psychologist and might not understand all you past hurts. You need to tell him/her everything. You need to be able to communicate and trust him/her(Prov 31:11,12). If you don’t trust and communicate, don’t go for marriage. In marriage it’s no longer “you” and “I” but “us”. Both become one flesh(1 Cor 6:12-20).

6. It’s not about you. It’s about God and your partner. Love is all about giving and if you’re not ready to give yourself to him/her, you’re being selfish(1 Cor 13) for love is not selfish. One of the reason you want to go for marriage is to be able to serve God more for two is better than one. You would like to overflow your partner with Jesus’ love and your care. It’s not about him/her satisfying your lust and wants but about helping your partner becoming a better person. If your clothes are not being washed, buy a washing machine and don’t take a wife. If you want security, take an insurance not a husband. The husband will make his best to make you happy and give you security but he has limitations. The wife also has her own occupations, she grew up like you in a home and is perhaps not a chef in the kitchen. You’ll have to be patient and help her in household activities.

7. Love is NOT a feeling. It’s a commitment. You can feel hot or cold but not feel like “loving”. If you do, this is infatuation. Before you say these 3 words “I LOVE YOU”, think 3 times. Think if YOU really LOVE that PERSON.  Will you be ready to give yourself to him/her? If it happens one day that this spark is no longer there and you no longer feel physically attracted, will you give up? If that person gets physically handicapped, will you remain faithful? If your commitment fluctuates for that person, it means you’re not ready for marriage and are not committed.  Love is commitment. If someone really loves, he cannot say “Darling, I feel like not committed to you today”. Are you willing to you love her/him like Jesus do (Eph 5:25)?

Waiting and abstinence until marriage is not wasted time if you’re letting God form your character. The more you wait, the more time you have to become more mature before marriage. You have time to think, to know more about you and God’s will for you.

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Posted February 23, 2013 by Cedric in Thought-provoking

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